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I got the devil in me. It's a cloud.
Jul. 4th, 2004 07:20 pmRose left last night to see her folks and a Dr.
In Peru. For Three Months.
My unhappiness with this is great indeed, but it kinda needed to be done.
The last week has been hectic and for the last three days both of us would just break into tears for no reason. or for too many reasons. Mostly it was me crying. She's gonna see her family for three months; I get to be alone for three months.
Every time I go into the bedroom and see the empty bed and her stuff I tear up. I read half the letter she wrote to me and then I stopped because I coulnd't see any more. I coulnd't sleep last night until like 7am this morning. I popped a Popeye dvd in (1.50 at walgreen's -- wtf?*) and drifted off.
I got a couple of calls from friends whom I'd emailed last night. I just kinda needed to hear someone talk. I don't have anything to say, so I guess that makes me more of an asshole than I usually am.
I never really expected to get married, I always saw -- still do, to be honest -- myself as too unattractive; physically, emotionally, whatever. I haven't played guitar yet. I haven't left the house yet. I guess I should.
Christie went on about my past romantic infatuations** and how much she hates Miami.
*popeye is stupid enough to relax me no matter what. It's a long story, not worth it.
** Betsy, Lisbert, Cecie (although I was never infatuated with Cecie; I wouldn't have minded the chance, last I saw her (at Litza's baptism a year ago,) she was quite the QT-3.1415...but she got pregnant before Christie could hook us up, and that hooking yr friends up thing always felt weird to me anyway, but nvrmnd that now.) Christie's been a great friend, I wish she were still in Miami. But she hates it here, which well, who can blame her. I still wonder about Lisbert now and again. She was a big tease, blindingly smart and very gorgeous but kind of reckless with other people's emotions at times. Still, she was very sweet to me (despite my boneheaded*** crush on her).
*** boneheaded because she was madly in love with someone else, I didn't have the confidence or skills to really work anything romantic and for the kicker, she was (probably still is, i dunno) way out of my league.)
In Peru. For Three Months.
My unhappiness with this is great indeed, but it kinda needed to be done.
The last week has been hectic and for the last three days both of us would just break into tears for no reason. or for too many reasons. Mostly it was me crying. She's gonna see her family for three months; I get to be alone for three months.
Every time I go into the bedroom and see the empty bed and her stuff I tear up. I read half the letter she wrote to me and then I stopped because I coulnd't see any more. I coulnd't sleep last night until like 7am this morning. I popped a Popeye dvd in (1.50 at walgreen's -- wtf?*) and drifted off.
I got a couple of calls from friends whom I'd emailed last night. I just kinda needed to hear someone talk. I don't have anything to say, so I guess that makes me more of an asshole than I usually am.
I never really expected to get married, I always saw -- still do, to be honest -- myself as too unattractive; physically, emotionally, whatever. I haven't played guitar yet. I haven't left the house yet. I guess I should.
Christie went on about my past romantic infatuations** and how much she hates Miami.
*popeye is stupid enough to relax me no matter what. It's a long story, not worth it.
** Betsy, Lisbert, Cecie (although I was never infatuated with Cecie; I wouldn't have minded the chance, last I saw her (at Litza's baptism a year ago,) she was quite the QT-3.1415...but she got pregnant before Christie could hook us up, and that hooking yr friends up thing always felt weird to me anyway, but nvrmnd that now.) Christie's been a great friend, I wish she were still in Miami. But she hates it here, which well, who can blame her. I still wonder about Lisbert now and again. She was a big tease, blindingly smart and very gorgeous but kind of reckless with other people's emotions at times. Still, she was very sweet to me (despite my boneheaded*** crush on her).
*** boneheaded because she was madly in love with someone else, I didn't have the confidence or skills to really work anything romantic and for the kicker, she was (probably still is, i dunno) way out of my league.)
